Good morning kiddo...

So last night must have been a party in there because you were kicking and flipping up a storm.

So much going on here. Thinking about what I need to do for your pending arrival and getting the "Mardi-Gras Baby Shower" together. I hoped that your Godmother Megan could come from Minnesota but alas she can't. I'd rather her here for your arrival anyway! How many people can say they have Godparents in Yemen, New Orleans, Los Angeles and Minnesota? YOU can kid!

Things on your Dad's front don't seem too hopeful. I need to file some paperwork and that has been really sad and I am actually really scared to do it but it is the only way to ensure we are safe. I get so mad that I have to do these things. I think that if I had on *insert x* then Gray wouldn't ever have to deal with this. I BEST get over that. It is what it is and we will by hook or by crook deal with it with as much grace and strength as I can muster.

I want to make the right choice with all of these things (in regards to your dad) but wonder sometimes what that is. I think maybe not having my mom and dad together gave me some weird disfuntional grip on "being normal". It's overrated. Families come in so many different constructs. I hope that I have the wisdom and strength to know or at least follow my instincts with all of this. Sometimes I wonder if you will look back and think "Man my mom was a hot mess...". Well kiddo I am doing the best I can given the circumstances.

I have found a really great soothing tip for you...don't know how long any of this will last but we shall see. You seem to love the warmth and music from my iphone. Last night and the night before when you were on a tear I just tucked it into the waistband of my pajamas and you stopped kicking so hard just sort of rolled over a few times and the kicks were softer. Maybe you just like Dr John and Otis Rush...gotta get you started on those blues baby!

I can't wait to see you. I have so many things I want to show you and so many places we will go....New Orleans is so beautiful this time of year by this time next year we will be there and I will show you the most magical place in the world.

All my love,
Mom